The undying love

It’s been years. It wasn’t long back that I’d often find myself searching for words and pictures to pen down the array of strong emotions. She’s probably cured me. For a long time I honestly believed that I was sick. That I suffered from depression. Day after day I would spiral down a rabbit hole of pointless sadness. Mostly figment of my imagination. But for last three years that we have been together all of that has just vanished from my life. I do not have time for petty self pity, for fake depression. I am content and happy. And I know she is the magical source of all of this.

And yet, every time I am on these trips thousands of miles away from her and away from home, I find myself here. So while I have forgotten “it”, it hasn’t left me. It’s lying there, sleeping in a quite corner of my sub-conscious. She needs me today and I am here, helpless and useless.

I remember a time, when I use to be anal about not giving up until she is feeling better. I use to harass her with my repeated attempts to talk to her. And today she was just sad, probably not even angry and disconnected the chat and thats it.

This trip has been worst of all. All it has done to me is made me realize how inapt I am at what I do. I have this looming lack of direction or aim. I have a fear that I’ll end up as nothing one day. Hollow and Fake.

If not mine, I hope for her sake I get a grip and get our lives together. I low you. I really do. Even if I don’t believe in low, you are the only person I am capable of loving. Period.

Leering from behind the glass wall

I stare at the view with the story bridge

High up in a tower

It’s nothing but silence and loneliness

It’s not the thousands of miles that wrench my heart

it’s that thin sliver of the emotional ridge

So much has happened and passed

we have had our laughs and found ourselves mused

All the times we have spent together

All those moments with passion infused

It’s not the moments crammed with heat that wrench my heart

It’s the moments that go by unused

Nothing is same without you

Even if it’s just a day

I have lived it many too times

to know it for real

It’s not the chatter that wrench my heart

it’s the things that you just don’t say

It’s not the hate that wrench my heart

It’s the love just that doesn’t go away

I use to be so much better at this. But there was a time when I was writing for someone else to read, now it’s just me. A blog for myself that will die with me. I miss you so much. I have probably lost my ability to even show or say things that I mean.

Here is a song dedication. No lyrics, just some music that I love

The way home by Sleep Dealer