Imprints of time...

Yippe! I killed the days, that could have killed me.
60 hours of lurking fear; that, irrational beast inside me will rise nimbly, and like always will stop at nothing to ridicule himself by inflicting pain as a metaphor to the sarcasm slapped in face by life.

I did not suffer anything except a small bruise on knuckle. Small pin size blood-mark on kitchen wall is preserved memento from that moment of hate; when I bid my final farewell to her. Kept my voice and face straight for whole 2 hours while talking to her on phone.

She kept breaking me down with her tears. For first time, I could not find the energy and sanity to cheer her up. For first time I ended the call, with her eyes still soaked.

And as I cut the call in moment of dawning comprehension, reality zapped to me. I wanted to explode right in that spot. I wanted to refresh the wounds on arm. I wanted to be anywhere; but in this world. I wanted to be anyway, but on my knees. I wanted to be anything, but Helpless.

Last cigg. was all I had. Smoked it out, while trying to focus on the split-splat of rain drops, as they kept hitting plastic fibre sheet. Moon was hiding behind grey clouds.

[Timestamp :: 12:01 am 10-Mar-06.]

Weekend, just crawled through. Could not sleep that night, got up 3:30 in night, after rolling over sides for hours. Took bath, got ready and I was on my way to temple.
It was closed. Waitied outside till 7:15 am. Cried. Prayed, that she stay happy and get whatever she wants in life. Sigh… [grin dripping with madness.]

I really miss her. And then I ask myself, “Why?”.

Memories are like quicksand,
You sink as you try to claw.
Futile energy that you spend,
Is nothing, but the only flaw.
If you stay frozen in time,
refusing, to move along.
Stuck in same mould of mourning,
Stuck by the same old song.
You’ll get nothing, but the pain,
With nails of past, piercing through
New, timeless memories, getting lost in vain,
To find one day, you are lost in too.
Give Hourglass it’s deserved chance,
Wait for all the sand to funnel through.
Not only you’d surface up unscathed,
Time will see, that you heal up too.
Life goes on and so it will,
But you have to live, to tell the tale.
Of your love, that time couldn’t kill,
Of your love, that time couldn’t fail…

I am still here, somewhere inside, still waiting for you to come back. I know you won’t. I will try to move on. You do that too. Okay?