Yet...

Why do we have to make hardest of choices?
Why do we snub, anguished inner voices?
How do I stop this fight of mind and heart?
HYow can I sawllow reality, while it taste so tart?
Why do I have to live with a guilt of wrong?
Why would I pretend to overhear, my fav. song?
How can I tell, I won’t regret this years later?
How can I just accept, what my fate, seems to cater?
Why am I so lost and lost again, like never before?
Why can’t I just let someone else through that door?
How am I going to get over a feeling so strong?
How am I going to keep these hopes alive, alive so long?
yet
I know I’ll make hardest of those choices.
And yes I’ll snub once again, all inner voices.
Heart will be down on knees, mind will prevail.
Reality will be gulped down, efforts no avail.
Maybe I’ll live and guilt will just fade away.
While I still hum that song, each night and day.
Regret lasts lifetime; and so will this one be.
Accepting my fate with whatever, life has for me.
Lost is just a word; it’s path to what destiny hold.
Someone will knock that door again, to a heart so cold.
Feelings are like frangrance, they grow old with years.
And it’s only hopes that I’ll live by, to dispel my fears.

Can’t believe I had to be so cold to her on phone. I was talking to her in days. I couldn’t say what I wanted to; she is not keeping well and has lots on her mind. I bet, like always; 13th of this month, is saving it all for me. God, please give me energy to do the right thing. I feel my knees giving away, very often these days.
Like always, bless my insane soul. I mean it for her good, god.

Wish I could kill myself, before I had to say all this. arrrrrrrrgh…[Anger…yes fucking anger!]
F.U.C.K!