Empty classroom...

I couldn’t believe my ears. I was going to meet her in person. 6 damn frigging years! Have always imagined how she’d look like, what she’d think of me? What will I say. Will I actually say anything? And other numerous questions…They were all over me.
And yet, when I got her message that she is waiting for me; I found my self rushing, jittery. [Telling myself inside, it’s ok..calm down. She already likes you; and it’s not like, you will get to do this for rest of your life? It’s just this once, and don’t loose it; just because, you can’t find your tounge!] anyway, I found my tounge well in time. And she did not walk in with any of her fiance or kids or bf’s; like I had imagined over and over again, all over these years!
She had changed. All for good. Peppy, more carefree and she look beautiful. And she looked more beautiful, then I had ever imagined. There she was grinning at me, and here I was, dealing through all the quick memory-snapshots of all the times we had chatted away to glory. I was so petrified about the happiness which I was feeling inside me, that at one point I was sure, I am gonna feel sucidal. [You know.. how bipolar depression works] Anyway, I did not. Atleast not at that point of time.
We sat on the ledge with nothing to worry about in world. Yapped and just yapped!
How I wished for each and every single second that I could do this for rest of my life. I said every thing, I couldn’t put on this blog. She had me empty in half hour. She knew me better than anyone else, in just those 30 minutes.
She was sorry, for everything she did. I just told her she doesn’t have to be. I really don’t know what I should have said. There are so many questions I want to ask, and yet I know.. I really don’t want to. Except One.
She told me about all new friends she has made. She told me about all the wild time she is been having. She told me about the only guy, who is her best friend. And other guys, who really gets along well with.
I told her I was jealous of her friend. Lots of things said and done… point was.. I need not be, because I am still for her, what I always was. My point of view? What difference does it make, I am still not the guy, who could call/mail/see her at anytime he wants. No matter, how intense the feeling is inside. I am still jealous, and will always be. Yet I am happy, she has found someone who’d take care of her.
She is going to get engaged in some time. Probably months probably days! I can just wish her a good life again.
I am sorry for myself, that though I ran fast enough, I really couldn’t make it. Somewhere inside I wish, that I should have. Or rather, “only If I could have”!! For once more, I feel lost because I feel I have lost once more!
Elevator of life is going down! Don’t get off, me!
Now, the only question which will haunt me forever, is why, she can’t talk to me and be “just friends” with me, but can be to other guys! I must have done something really stupid to deserve this! Not from her, but from everyone I know.
Wish you love and luck.. sweetheart! I wish with all my heart you flourish now and forever! Good bless you.
And hey god! Thanks for fucking me once again! Really loved it this time! So whats next!? :-/
Right now my life feels like “empty school classroom”. Everything that I look atm makes me nostalgic about past, but there isn’t anything for me in here!
Bless my insane soul.