Anger and indignation

Songs are the oldest known way to time travel. I sit here sipping my scotch. A luxury that I did not have when I started writing this blog. I am listening to Anathema, Creed, Metallica and all the bands that I loved. I am back in my room. Window looming over the volleyball fields and a coconut tree. The lyrics go `how can I be lost when I don’t know where to go`. As always, they speak for me.

I have come a long way but it also feels like that I left a part of me along the way. I feel lost, incomplete and not me. Music used to be such a huge part of my life. Waking up, sleeping, dreaming, walking I was plugged into music. I barely do that anymore and when I do, it is like a background noise. What happened to me. Music indexed my memories from the best days of my life. And I am losing time now, I have no indexing of this.

You know it is playing “Powerless” by Nelly Furtado. This song has more history for me than whole history textbooks. Because that history is from the years that I have lived in flesh and blood. These memories mean so much. Some of them are bitter and others are sweet. But each one of them I savor. Despite all depression and self-dejection, I don’t think I can complain. `Say what you want.`

If it was for real

or just a figment of imagination

I’d never know for sure

left with anger and indignation