Incoherency of a glass

I know that this glass of intoxicating liqour will get me through only “one more” night. While there are many to fathom. Yet, the sense of uletrior has just abandoned my imagination. I am not living for today, and yet I don’t care about tomorrow. I am not sure, if I am even living. I have become one of those turing machines, which just goes on and one and on.. There is no aim, there is no dream..

It’s like a dream which is surreal and yet not something that anyone would wish for.
I came home early from office because I couldn’t see that bottle lying in my refrigirator! I knew it had to go. Bought two ciggs on my way back. And now I am here, half devoid of sanity and half empty. Things flipping through my mind are park, parking lot, hostel canteen, ledge of cricket field, goa beaches, open and inviting roads that we once travelled like there is no end…

All those days and nights.. how can they just not mean anything in few years? How can I become a stranger in the city where I almost grew up. There has to be a explanation.. and yet I don’t care anymore. I would get over those 8 months if that was the only strech.. or maybe I still would…
but six years?
but three years?

It’s like someone is playing same movie in front of you. And while it plays down, all you keep mumbling is “deja vu” this is “deja vu”. Before you know you are merely a spectator of your own life gulping down quick big sips of concentarted liquor to get through the night, to get through the feeling, to get through the life..
because people who once got you through it are the ones, who left you like this.

Why can’t I fucking believe for one second, that YES! I AM insignificant. It’s merely a show put up to ridicule someone who is maybe watching on telivision set with pepper spice flavored popcorns!

This life is more of a farce and I am just a caricature for the show. Because if it was real.. I’d be happier for one day, to think; someone actually likes me for who I am and would save me from myself.

I was never meant to learn my lessons, and thats why I stumble again and again. May be I am not learning types.

I suddenly feel that I am drunk beyond normal levels and I must stop now; because this incoherency on a web page will not make any sense to me tomorrow. and yet, just want to let you know; that the kiss into that mirror every morning before leaving for office, is not going for a waste. I am still watching out for you. Stay put boy! You’ll make it. I know…

Fuck.