Forgiveness, is not one of my virtue!

For days I was waiting that I would come back here. Same desolated blog, that cries of nothing but exaggerated agony of a sane mind, which longs for insanity and irrationalism. It’s been a long break. It’s been a decent vacation and yet, all in all, I am back to here. The blog/place that I decided to abandoned long back. I guess, we just can’t run away from ourselves.. isn’t it?

There is this song, which until now, rung so sweet in my head, because it said just what I wanted to say, the way I wanted to say! And yet, as soon as I read the lyrics, the illusion is over; the feeling is gone and now it’s mere another song. And then, there is this other song, that I listen every now and then; usual mild and soothing mix of music and vocals. I happen to read lyrics for it too; and suddenly it has all ethereal characterstics I ever wanted in a song. It grieves my inside like none other.

It’s not the songs that brought me back to this blog; it’s life which is not much different from these songs right now. Sometimes, we just take everything for granted; the voice, the lyrics, the song, the rhythm, the feeling and the freedom. And when, time has passed you, and you can’t sing anymore, a song, that you loved so much; this restlessness settles in; that feeds on the peace of your mind and your conscience. But, sometimes it’s song; that leaves you behind; and like it or not; you cannot sing it; because it doesn’t wanna be sung by you.

Puzzles apart. Have you ever tried to forgive someone, you thought you wouldn’t be able to?I have been trying to forgive someone for 2 years or more now. Each time I lead myself to believe that it’s my unrealistic expectations and not-so-genial understanding; that would hesistate me to forgive.
And yet, after bundles of effort; there is always a day at the end, when I think; I really can’t get myself to do it! I just can’t. Because, no matter how someone justifies it, I feel cheated and betrayed. And if my heart doesn’t feel any better, then there is no reason, why it should.

I am sorry, that I couldn’t forgive. You and all, who, in my eyes, betrayed my love for them. Once and forever. I really liked each one of you; more than you could ever imagine, but I regret that so much passion has been wasted, because I know I will never feel same again for anyone.

Loosing best friends has been like selling my soul. I am just hollow. As if now, that is. If there is bit of resilience left in my body, probably I’ll feel human again one day.

For today, I have lost and I am no more than a loser; who doesn’t know whether he threw it away or was thrown away by “it”.