I am not a telivision...!!

Yes..I am not a telivision.
I cannot show you and tell you what you want to see; anytime and everytime.
It’s 4:00 in night, I am dridgingly sleepy, am listening to “Solitude by Black Sabbath” and I feel miserable. Because the blunt truth is that; after running from truth for all these years I am letting it sink in.
The girl I took for granted was the best thing that ever happened to me and the girl I “Thought” I liked more than anything, gave me nothing but misery and made me feel worthless.

So now here I am mourning over past, cause there isn’t much left to do now.
Saw a movie today; “Boys and Girls”. Well, the caption says “Caution: Sex Changes everything”. Believe it or not, it is true. Could relate a lot to the movie.

Wonder, where did everyone go?
Anyway, here I am, contemplating why misery strike on best things in your life. Like, few friends, who have been best to me ever; are suddenly demanding more than what I can give.
How can I not talk about what I feel, and talk about things that would keep them content? Am I a paid circus-show or what?
Why am I suddenly so insignificant as a friends, because they have found soulmates?

Maybe I am extremely delirious and I should sleep because I have no idea what I am writing about, but since I got up from half sleep, to write this entry, I figured, it would meen a lot to myself. And maybe I would speak/write plain truth.

What am I doing? I just hope I am not kidding myself each day of my life, by putting all my efforts into something, that I might not even want, at the end of it. It’s just a mad race. I hope I retain my sanity.

Ok.. here it goes.
Yep, DP, I had the best time of my life with you. For one whole year, I just didn’t realize how each day passed. Life use to be surreal. Until you suddenly forgot me and got on with new life. I know I might not be best or even close to good, in all the guys you might have met in your life; but I just hoped against hope so many times that you’d remember me for all the things I did for you and only for you, without expecting anything in return, but friendship.
I hope you realize that, you haven’t called me in more than a year now including my birthday. And while I pretend to hate you and have moved on over your friendship in front of everyone else, I still think, that I cannot feel same about anyone, ever again.
For once I feel like listing all the trillion things that we did together, like late evening walks, drive in drinking, heartbreak point smoking, Gossip in part, chinese checker on ledges withs stone, roadside snacks, ice-creams, timepass in computer lab, sugarcane juice, appy, late night drives, early morning sunrise dance, sneaking out, sneaking in, backup valentines, late night phone conversations, bitching, alarm service, bunking, seminars prep, window shopping, churches and temples, slapping and singing and I dont know what not.

Somewhere I had a hope, that one day you’d come back running. But, now when you are about to get married and go off to never land; I guess I must bury all the hopes and get on with this stupid fuckin life anyway.

Yet, to be honest; just can’t believe, that, when it’ll be a rainy day in life; the girl I was first to get so close to, won’t be there to cheer me up!
Anyway, I hope you get whatever you want in life and have an amazing ride till the end. Stay the way you are. Said or unsaid, I’d miss you.

I am going to burn up all the stuff u gifted me, soon. Except the chruch candles. Don’t know what to do with them. Anyway, have deleted all your mails. From ur account and my account. I knew you wouldn’t rem to do that like always.

Stay beautiful.