Denial

hmm.. i would have said good morning to myself, when i came to office. But now it seems like that it would have been “very” sarcastic. :-) Never mind, i got up late, scurried through chores and somehow caught my bus in time, to office.
Ususal bus ride. [though years later when my memory has given up and i am just another old geezer, i will always try to recall, what did “usual bus ride” mean??] Truthfully, it’s the most insane way of starting my day. Music unplugged, and thoughts running from infinite bounds to infinity again. Though chil seems to be prominently present in them. I wish sometimes that she was just one of my imaginary childhood friends. But, as the truth would have it; she is imaginary : yes and she is imaginary : no. :-) [i think this much would be enuf to let me recall “usual bus ride”]
Opened my mailbox to find, that i have been rejected by TW after code round. I have a mixed feeling of [SONG in ears: Gin Soaked Boy ::: Sweet] sadness and not bothered attitude. I am still in a dilemma whether i really don’t care as i have already resolved to stick to my current job, or is it that i am just too depressed to think of trying anywhere else.
Though i surely, could have made better out of my life. I remember, how motivated i use to be. About everything. Now i just take life, as it comes. I guess, “denial” slapped in your face by life, is just addictive. I seem to like it.
Anyway, that one of the secrets that i wanted to post on PostSecret. Probably some day i will, or probably it’ll just stay in my head. Who cares anyway.
I feel, i’m done for the day. Just want to get over with this one.
Anyway, i made a new account for this blog. atomic_sauce@rediffmail.com. Because yo was reading my mails in other one. not that he can’t help it, but because i asked him to. Realized just now. :-) anyway…
i have finally put up that gag thing on bloggers.com and have also pasted my first article. I somehow have a feeling, that it isn’t a good idea, to ask friends to comment on it. yet you know what, i think i should do it. I don’t have anything to loose in any case. As if i have enuf friends already <yawwwn>
[another random thought that my head flipped just now, out of blue.. “Why me? God?”] i was suppose to write a poem on him, about how he just sits, watch and enjoys the show.
[Song in ear :: Moby - Porcelain :::: evokes sadness]
i am broken, and with every moment passing, a lil more. Wish deeply inside that someone would, heal me up. Irony is the one, who can is the one who broke me. :-) And now i will say what i have said all this time “I understand” [sometimes probably i don’t]
ok.. wait. i am suppose to cheer myself up now. Enuf moaning. I won’t let myself pushed this way. Choclates.. hmm.. naa, i am short on cash. I know what would be perect thing? A funny article or a funny poem.
Wait a sec, i want to change the topic. I have this longing [Song in Ear:: Metallica - I disappear.. This song has history with me. I started with ROCK with limbiz kit - take a look and this one] for owning a dog [Breed:: Labrador Color:: Black] and adopting a cute little girl. [Ya i know i am not married.] Truthfully, now i don’t want to be. all i want is a cute daughter to take care of. wish that was possible. Some people might say it’s ridiculous. Some might say, it’s noble. Truth is i just want someone to hang on to.
it’s just that i clearly realize that i am walking down the wrong road; but i want someone to hold my hand and take me back. i don’t want to go back all the way [Song Repeated! :-)]back.
I guess, enuf talking for one day. We shall continue tomorrow. so that one day i can look back and say “Dude…we have come a long way, God must really love you!” [already feel lil better]
Hope someone is reading it. Though it still doesnt get listed in Google.com Not sure whether that is good or bad.