A Good Thing

We have parted ways for a while now. I understand I forced that upon us, so it is understandable there must be some resentment to it. I can also imagine her saying something like “I won’t give anyone else in my life this much power to have that level of control on me”, but I believe, the process must have required getting as far away from me as possible. I have an appreciation of it and some perspective. So nothing is shocking here.

We corresponded as friends for 2 years or more maybe. There were treasure trove of letters we wrote. So many things, that I visit almost everyday to just read and smile. And no matter where and how I am, I don’t have it in me to delete those.

I tried to contact her recently through a letter to just see if we could catch up in person over a tea to see how we have been doing. Satiate the curiosity that hits wall everyday. But what I ended up realizing is that I think she has deleted me as a friend and all the correspondence that we ever had. The fact that she deleted me is understandable, but how did she muster the will power to delete those letters. Those are some last remanents of something that was so beautiful and pure. It was honest and it was just us.

It made me a bit sad. But I have no qualms about it. I understand that maybe that is what was needed for her to grieve, as I have needed those letters to manage my own process through all this time.

But one thing that I often think about is, what Dickens posed so beautifully as a question.

Is it better to have had a good thing and lost it, or never have had it?

I think I know my answer. I didn’t realize hers would be so different.