Hope?
Back in office. [Song in ear :: Coldplay-Clocks :: nostalgic? naa.. may be mellow] Well, not a usual bus ride today. Yo took my player to his office, so just thriving on the fizzy scenic beauty outside window; incandescent by morning sunshine.
Day did not start bad, though it doesn’t seem to be any enticing either. I’ll do fine. Left office quite late. While everyone, tried to rush and dodge all the raindrops, seemingly aiming for their dry heads, i had a nice drip-walk with music “unplugged”. I was soaked by the time i sat in bus.
bobbing up and down in my thoughts, i was filled with so many mixed feelings. [Song in ear :: LedZep - Kashmir :::: rebellious! (for a change) :-) ]
I was thinking about how i spent so many hours in evening to search this link “GirlsMad”. It is one of the diaries i use to read regulary in hostel. Yesterday, just felt like, i need to see it back and desperation was so immense, that i start going through all the diaries of diaryland. Finally after 2 and half hours i did find it!! :-) i mailed her to send me her new address, as she has moved.
And then, thoughts piled on, and shifted to something very philosophical, yet something which made sense to me. “Hope”. I immediatly remembered the conversation from “The Shawshank redemption”. Is hope really a curse or is it the biggest of all gifts. I have “hoped” to get something all these years but all in vain. I have “hoped against hope” [only if i would have said “hope against hopen” it would be “it’s just going to hurt little bit - by - Odgen Nash” i still rem that poem from school! ] to achieve something that i have dreamed of, all my life. But when i read that song by pink floyd [or rather sing it in cacophonic voice] i realize, what great truth it holds. Hope just die away with time. But is that for good or bad?
All the “hope” in me is worth the effort or it’s just another wild dream that i am chasing, just to realize in the end, that once again i have made a fool of myself.
whatever.. i am not going to tamper with it atleast. [Song in Ear :: Duran Duran :: Come Undone ::::: it’s coming from the heart :-) .. don’t even care to feel how it feels like. Long time.]
Next thing i dwindled on, in my journey to home and some conclusion, was, what have i made myself into?? Seriously? Whats the deal?
I used to be focused, sure of what am i doing, lil reserved but confident. And look at me now… i just split open with a small crack. Confused, not sure and not at all dedicated. So i decided, it’s time. I am done with “pajama phase” lets get it back on track. Lets start, lets dream and maybe “Lets HOPE!” …
Word of the day :: Phoenix, and yes so am i… “rise from ashes”. thats what i am gonna do. Succumb to all the will left, gather all happy memories, and lets begin the quest to something so deserved, that will not only change me, but will change the life of all who have looked on to me.
Stay focused! the song says….
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Come undone - duran duran
Mine, immaculate dream, made breath and skin, I’ve been waiting for you,
Signed, with a home tattoo, happy birthday to you was created for you.
(can’t ever keep from falling apart.. at the seams)
(can’t I believe you’re taking my heart.. to pieces)
Ahh, it’ll take a little time, might take a little crime to come undone
Now we’ll try to stay blind, to the hope and fear outside,
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me in to cry.
Who do you need?
Who do you love?
When you come undone.
(can’t ever keep from falling apart.. at the seams)
(can’t I believe you’re taking my heart.. to pieces)
Words, playing me deja vu, like a radio tune I swear I’ve heard before,
Chill, is it something real, or the magic I’m feeding off your fingers
(can’t ever keep from falling apart.. at the seams)
(can I believe you’re taking my heart.. to pieces)
Lost, in a snow filled sky, we’ll make it alright, to come undone,
Now we’ll try to stay blind, to the hope and fear outside,
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind -
And blow me in to cry.
Who do you need?
Who do you love?
When you come undone.
(can’t ever keep from falling apart.. at the seams)
(can I believe you’re taking my heart.. to pieces)
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